i think for a lot of my life i have attempted to paint my struggles as serious adversity. and they were, to me, at the time. but in the grand scheme of things, my life is not one you'd write a novel about. i had the normal struggles of growing up and keeping the faith, but beyond that, the blessings seriously outweigh the trials. outside my own mind and learning to see things for what they are, the adversity i have experienced has been vicarious. dear friends of mine have been raising children through divorce, or through grieving over a lost child, or dealing with infertility, or suffering for decisions their children have made. me? i finished high school, went to college, got married, finished my degree, and then my husband got an awesome job, we had three babies, and here we are. and yet, people with heavy burdens continue to want to be my friends. so i guess i'm a safe place to land. one friend thanked me for never judging her despite the differences between us. really the only differences i saw were my unworthiness to share the same air she breathed. i am awed by people who can go through such crazy times and come out whole--and still think i'm worth the time to ask about my life.
so i guess my point in all this is that i'm deciding that my life should be less about me and more about the people i could be helping. because what is a life like mine worth if i'm focused on my own little world all the time? it will take some time, i'm sure, to make the shift, since i have been focused on my own little world all the time. but i find more and more that the people i admire are quick to notice a need and then fill it whenever possible. and the whole thing is second-nature and without fanfare.
so, obstacles in my way:
a lifetime of being pretty concerned about myself
a desire to be recognized for things i do that are good (although i'm getting better at being anonymous and liking it)
a fear that a need i perceive and try to fill might be totally off the mark, bordering on offensive to the person i try to help
most likely remedy:
lots of prayer
lots of listening
wish me luck!
